The Seeker on the path

On getting started

2009-09-11T10:08:00.000+05:30

On getting started
Taking the first step on a journey is perhaps, the most challenging part.
when a train is about to start, if you put a stone below each of the wheels, the train wont start. The same train, going 60 mph can smash into a concrete wall 5 meters thick! Thats the power of momentum.
The amount of energy a space vehicle spends to get out of the gravitational orbit of the earth is much more than the energy required for the entire remaining trip!
There are so many things on your 'to do' list that you are just not being able to get started on.You're waiting for the right time, the right condition, the right resources, the right people, the right everything - before you start. And you keep planning to start. But nothing happens.
What is really happening here?
There are so many ways you try and push yourself to do things.So there is mental dialogue. "I should do this. I need to do this. Let me get motivated to do this. Yes I am motivated to do this".The other way is to do some self bashing "You better do this or else..."
This is an attempt to generate a lot of motivation to do, at a feeling level. You might even get started taking a few steps in the euphoria. But then, the entire effort fizzles. There are so many blogs that start with a lot of zest and then fizzle. Its like taking the first step with all your strength, doing a 100 meter sprint and then falling down.
The other way you cope with this procrastination is to think through the first step. You think through mentally the benefits of what will happen if your write. You try and summon up your discipline to write. You think through how will you go about writing. You try and park your emotions of laziness and resistence and go about writing. And you get started.
Yet another way is the NLP-Tony Robbins way. You associate 'massive pain' with not writing and a lot of 'pleasure' with writing. You get leverage on yourself by magnifiying your pain of not writing - running the most terrible images in your mind for not writing. You could also try to think of a time when you were actually in the 'flow' and try and recreate that feeling...
So what is the approach that works? I think the final combination of what works is this : It is a mix of ALL of these methods, customized to what works for you. Which means, you try all of these, not one at a time but together. This maximises thier impact.
Its like at a war, you first send out everything - your foot soldiers, your tanks, your airforce. Then you assess whats working the best - and then send more of it.
So you try everything and be very sensitized to whats working best for you - and then do it even more till the pattern gets totally reinforced for you.
Here is what I do when I want to get started with writing.
I have a small notepad file that I go through each time I am about to start writing. It reads something like this :
"Why am I not motivated enuff to write
I think I must wait for ideas before I writeI am scared of being bored
I have left so many books incomplete that I think that’s what will happen to these as well
Deep within I perhaps believe that I have nothing of value to shareIt’s a delayed gratification without instant resultsI don’t keep the end picture in mind
I am scared of breaking the discipline – because if I start in enthu once again and break the discipline (a pattern that has repeated) then all the time spent in the writing will be a waste ?"
This is no rocket science. Most of the times we know the answers - the obvious ones to why we are procrastinating. Then there are other hidden answers - new ones that will pop up. These are answers that have come out of genuine retrospection. very often we try to gloss over them i.e. try and avoid thinking through them. They keep working at the subconscious level. Try instead, to acknowledge them.
I take the next step by going into this:
" What should I think before I write
+ I will be helping people through my work+ It is self expression+ It will bring me more opportunities to speak and hence sharpen my talents and share even more+ I will love the fame and attention that will come from being an author of like 10 books! Yeah that will truly rock :D"
I think focussing on these two aspects : What is blocking you and what will inspire you, together should get you moving.
The final step thats so cliched in writing is "Just go do it" - but guess what? It works!
Dont wait for inspiration. Dont wait for ideas or thoughts. Realise that there is just no 'right time' to get started!
Just open your word processor and start typing. Before you know it you will be in the "flow". Very similar to swimming - you jump in the water, and soon you learn to float your body...
So now that we have discussed some of these techniques, its time for you to test these! So, I challenge you to get started - RIGHT NOW! Take some action and reinforce what we have just discussed.
See what works for you - and share with me how it worked.
How to make this sustain? Thats another question altogether, and I'll save it for another article.
Tell then, action first. Fire.Ready.Aim.Repeat!

Shanpatti ki chaipatti

2009-09-11T10:07:00.001+05:30

Shaanpati ki chaipatti
My friend Arjun gave me a thought that has stuck with me ever since
When you have an iq of 140 dont act as if you have an iq of 160 but as if you have an iq of 120
Thats such an insight! The tendency for the so called intellegentia is to increasingly rely on their own intelligence - and apply it perhaps much more than is needed.
So for example when one of the 'intellegentia' gets into a meeting of the 'normal people' its a scene to watch. I call this a journey from 140 to 80 (someone wt a 140 IQ coming wt junta of 80) - there is almost a paralyzing effect! It feels like a totally different orbit - and that is true for any such 'jump'
But i think its good for a 140 to go into an 80 - it gives some touch of reality, from the high castles and ivory towers that the 140s live in. At the same time the message and communication of a 140 needs to be to an 80 and not to another 140 - there is such temptation to complicate, to go 'deeper' and so on that the message then remains only for the masses. Its like an exclusive language that only a few people can speak and relish in that speaking.
The real challenge is when you can speak in the native language of this planet - and thats 80 not 140. And given that the majority is 80, where does truth in this subjective world sit? You guessed it. 80.

Wallowing in negativity

2009-09-11T10:05:00.002+05:30

Wallowing in negativity
I am wallowing in negativity. I dont know what to do about it. I hate the feeling. It tastes bitter. Its like a vaccum in my body that is just absorbing endless pain. What do I do?
I could do many things. I could change my focus by asking the right questions or changing my physiology. I could try EFT. Transcendental meditation is always there. Using NLP I can detach myself out of the situtation.
But I want to choose to listen. I want to experience this pain - however painful it might be. I want to be with the feeling. I want to listen to it. Attentively. I dont want to brush it away.
Becuase it comes with a message. If I dont listen to it, it will try and come back - in another form. It will speak out even louder. Or manifest itself from a voice to something physical. I dont want to dissolve it. Becuase I created it. It is my own creation - and I take full responsiblity for it.
I am just going to let it trickle in - and do whatever it wants to. It might be acid that will rust my parts within. Who knows? It could be the scapel that carves my within into beautiful murals and incarnate carvings. It could be a garden spade digging deeper - so that I may hold more joy when it comes.
I listen to the message. It calms down. There is a sense of resignation. A strange tiredness climbs up. The 'efficient' mind in me is pacing up and down calling this a sheer waste of time and energy. It perhaps is. But what is time really? This negativity takes me into the timeless, just as its partner, pleasure.
It goes but leaving a blemish...a scar...or maybe a beauty spot. It doesnt make me ugly - it only makes me more real. It doesnt create something new - it merely uncovers it.
I wish I could cry it out...but it refuses to leave...it wants to stay...maybe thats love...
It plans to be my guest for a while. We will let it be. We will let it stay. It isnt 'bad' - only another feeling. Its a part of being me - of being human.
I would love to interrogate...to interview...to discover why she is here...
But I think I will just let her be...she needs some rest...
Hush...my thoughts....let her sleep ... let her rest...let her just be...

On questions and answers

2009-09-11T10:05:00.001+05:30

On questions and answers
On a daily basis, a number of questions keep popping up in my mind. Here, I am specifically referring to questions about myself, about my life and where I am headed. They do take me away from the present moment, but I take the luxury of entertaining them. I just like 'future pacing' I guess :)
So there are loads of thoughts - and lots of opinions. I read articles and things strike as 'insights'. I could talk to people and find out what they say. I could probably 'meditate' on the answer. Or best of all, I could follow where coincidences lead me - hoping it will be towards the answer
So one might be tempted to believe that the answer is somewhere 'out there' and you need to search for it. But a deeper look at the mechanics of this 'answer seeking' will tell us otherwise.
when I read articles, I only tend to notice that wahts strikingly in favour of or strikingly opposite of what I am planning to do. Talking to people as well, I selectively collect suggestions that typically match my thinking rather than against. Meditation is hearing my own inner voice. Coincidences again my mind will notice that what it has already set in its own mind.
Point I am trying to make is that we manifest confusion in our life out of our own choice. All the while the answer is within us. What you are really looking for is reflection. A candle cant search for light when it has light in itself - it will only realise that when it sees a reflection.
So you can broadcast your questions to the universe and wait for meaningful concidences. But watch what you are thinking...watch waht you are saying and watch your actions. Your actions will show you that you are collecting more data in favour of one of the options - the decision thus is already made, and you are collecting evidence to validate it...
Hence think about it...the answer lies within

Of journeys and destinations

2009-09-11T10:04:00.000+05:30

Of journeys and destinations
One fine day after a phone conversation, my long time friend Rajiv concluded. "You have arrived my friend! I am so happy to see you in this mode. At last you are the person you were meant to be. Why didnt you do this earlier?"
His question left me pondering...why didnt I do it earlier? If I knew what it was to be 'myself at true potential' i.e. speaking, writing and enjoying life, why could I not do it earlier? Why could I not switch to that state?
On reflecting I realised that the answer was also in what Rajiv had said. "You have arrived" he said. Moving to any state is a journey - there is no 'direct' switching, though it might seem so. But can a piece of gold suddenly transform itself into jewelery? No. Becuase the journey to becoming the ornament has on its way, the heating and the hitting of the goldsmith. So as wishful as it may seem, a journey cannot be wished away to reach the destination.
When you are approaching a goal, and going through all the ups and downs and the frustrations, know that this is all a part of the journey. It is a necessary journey to take you to where you want to go. For you, there is no other path.
Because, at any time you are doing the best that you can. You are giving all that you have at that particular time. And in doing that, you are carving your path. For each one of us, the path is different. What is important is to have faith that everything that is happening is part of the path, and will lead to the destination eventually.
Its important to be patient with yourself as you travel the path - there is so much of temptation to push yourself to the edge. To try and do more. To beat yourself up when you dont live up to your own expectations. But its all on the path - patience with yourself, the perseverence, the fortitude will see you through
And once you reach the destination, you'll perhaps realise that the destination was another journey in itself. Thats a new story altogether.

Life mein fight hai!

2009-09-11T09:54:00.001+05:30

Life Mein Fight Hai
Whosoever told you that life is all easy, smooth and happy was probably kidding. Or hadn't seen life.
Becuase if you really look at it, life is tough. Or challenging if you love transformational vocabulary. And each one of us dreams of or believes in that mystical group of people who probably have no problems, no issues, nothing tough. Such a group of course is ficticious and doesnt exist at all.
The question to ask is why do we consider a 'trouble-free' life as an ideal, as a goal? Why do we want to claim it as a right? Why believe that a 'trouble-free' life is possible?
Event + Response = Outcome
Sure there is this whole body of self help knowledge that says that you can influence what happens in your life through intent. Another philospohy is around how you can choose your response - the meaning you give to the event. I totally subscribe to both of these.
But there is no denying pain.
I remember a close friend, an editor of a personal development magazine in this regard. I had written a article critiquing a particular cult. She immediately rejected the article saying her magazine will carry only 'positive' stuff.
But to see everything as 'positive' and positive alone is denying the very duality of life...the duality of existence. Life is tough and thats how it was meant to be.
Can I then deeply experience pain as honestly as I experience pleasure? Why do I believe that pain is everlasting and pleasure is fleeting? Why dont I see them as tides in the sea of life?
Life is not tough. Life just is. The challenge for us is to be able to embrace both the happy and sad - the joy and the grief with equanimity.
This is for the philosophy part - what is the "HOW" or the "SO WHAT?"
For starters, this doesn't mean that you should focus on pain - quite the opposite, you should keep your focus on whats good. What this mean is do not resist pain. Look at pain as the demand for attention and energy by a particular part of the body or a particular area of life. But for pain, you would not pull your hand away from the fire and burn away. Pain to that extent is a warning signal - you need to ask yourself - "What is the message that this pain brings for me? What do I need to do differently?" The moment you see pain not as pain but as a signal, you suddenly shift the meaning you give it.
Second, stop cribbing and complaining that life is tough. It isnt easy or tough. It just is, and thats how it was meant to be. Its a part of being human - its a package that comes with life. ANd your happiness doesnt depend on how painful or painless your life is. Some of the happiest people in this world are those who have had the most 'difficult' lives. SO even if you believe life is tough, it doesnt give you any right to complain or crib.
Finally, do not believe that any other group of people or person has it any better. Life for each one of us is tough at some level - and easy at another. Each one of us have their own challenges. At one level that may make you feel that you have company. But on the other hand, your issues are yours and only yours. Thats a lonely thought. So count your blessings, but also embrace your pains instead of denying them or sweeping them under the carpet. Remember, for each one of us, pain is a language that the universe talks to us in.
So life may be tough - but that only means life is talking to you. It isnt mute, dumb or deaf.

On the bomb blasts

2008-11-28T19:26:00.002+05:30

"How do you think we should respond to these bomb blasts" I asked Vinod (a.k.a Vinu baba)

"Maintain peace within" he said

The words initially seemed to be quite foolish - quite contrary to what I had expected. Instead of an action oriented, outer directed answer, baba was asking me to look inwards....

It was only after a while that the response began to resonate with me...

The aim of any act of terror is to terrorize those who witness it....what happens externally (the terror attacks) gets internalized (as terror within). It could be at many different levels - anger, fear, apathy, irritation, frustration et el....whatever it is from this set of emotions, the perpetuator of terror has managed to create an impact and imprint on your psyche, your spirit...

The first space that we need to guard from terror is our inner space.... there are many ways we can respond to these terror attacks...light candles, sign online petitions, blog about them or take peace rallies....

What is important is that the response should come from a center of peace, rather than any other. If it is any other emotion that we act out of, we are merely being counter - terrorists acting from the same lower level of awareness at which the act itself originated...

The serach for answers is just starting - as we embark on this search, we need to make sure that we act out of peace - inner peace that may be based on the foundation of forgiveness and acceptance....thats what will be a truly non-violent reaction...

Every program has a bug

2008-11-24T15:30:00.001+05:30

Every program has a bug

When things go wrong with our lives, we tend to wonder. We ask the universe,

"Why me? What did I do to deserve this!??" Somewhere we believe that this

misfortune is only ours - there are so many people around who have better

looks, more intelligence or way more money and opportunities. Its a tough life

indeed....

But you know what? Every program has a bug. Every person alive is facing a set

of challenges that are unique to his or her existence. As much as you may

believe that there are no problems like the ones you are facing...there are

many many more people facing more complex problems. As it is said, if you

are looking for someone with no problems, walk to the cemetry!

So every program has a bug. Its a life where we have no choice of where or to

whom we are born. And then that means you did not choose your genes

either...if you're weak in Math, blame it on your genes!

Each one of us starts with a different pack of cards - a different life context. It

is then upon us to take full responsiblity of it and grow from there onwards...

It is problems that we face that will make us stronger...its the bug in the

program that gives some one impetus to make the next improvement, launch

the next version...

So from Windows 1.0 we have travelled to Vista...would you say Vista is

perfect? Far from it! And yet it has come a long long way....

So remember, every program has its own bug. You have your own problems

and so does everyone else. Never stop becuase you are facing a problem -

though its going to be unique be sure everyone around you has their own

problems. If that gives you strength, know that its only problems that make us

grow and expand.

Remember, every program has a bug.

Cool animals that I dig....

2008-11-24T15:13:00.002+05:30

Given a choice to be reborn, I might just opt to be an animal....

The coolest creatures, if u ask me, are frogs. You hibernate all through winter (I can relate to that inability to work when its cold - the blankets get sticky).... Then when it rains you croak the hell out (again thats what rains do to me)

I also fancy sitting lazily on some lotus leaf and flipping my long tongue to catch a fly. Thats my version of the lotus cafe....

And then just in case some princess comes to kiss me, I might just turn into a prince....

The other cool animal I dig is the camel. The look on its face is 'I dont care a damn'...its hot like hell, and its desert - and yet the camel seems to be like a totally equipped vetran...it doesnt even feel bad that it has a wierd looking body....it exudes confidence...thats what I love about them...I fancy being a camel just chewing away at the brink of some desert...

Next on the list are crocodiles... Crocs are supposed to have evolved to almost near perfection with their surroundings - so much so that they've stopped evolving....

The crocs saw the dinos and they (the crocs) still looked the same then too... its kewl to be sitting with my mouth open and some bird coming in and cleaning up my teeth

The hippos, rhinos and elephants are cool too but not so cool becuase they're heavy - not watching their weight....

I like Giraffes too - they are like those extra humble tall men who seem like perfect gentlemen...atleast till when they speak....

Of course I'd love to be a bird, not only becuase this would let me fly, but also becuase it will let me shit on anyone while flying naked in the air!

I dont wanna be an ant - i think antz are too work obsessed in life... I prefer the more chilled out ones...

I could think about being a religious praying mantis for example....

I dont wanna be fish either - I generally am not too fond of water and living in it, along with transperant eyelids that fish are supposed to have, and swim all the time, i know thats not for me...

for now I'm happy being the most complex animals of all - human

Times...they're changin!

2008-11-18T15:24:00.003+05:30

Happened to interact with a few kids and teachers at a nearby school....what came out was a fascinating description of how life for the tweens has changed - and radically so...

Out goes beating in the class...I was even hesitant to ask if the practice of class beating (entire class getting pasted) exists... Students were smart enough to bring cut outs of court orders against beating up kids and put them on bulletin boards or tell teachers about it....

Poor school teachers...given that most students have classes as a backup and very little fun time, they begin to see school as entertainment....the school on the other hand does not have enough time to finish the portion - it needs to rush through creating a tuff-to-understand situation for schools...

Its hard to tell what exists becuase of what - but somewhere our education quality at schools got derailed and that gave birth to the coaching classes industry - today the sheer size of the coaching classes industry is a witness to this quality drain in schools...and if only schools would have time enough to teach all thats needed, students are prepared to say no to classes...

Teaching quality is not an issue since the same teachers teach at class as well as school...so it just boils down to the fact that in order to run more batches, schools run SSC in lesser time, and as a result have students going to classes which then again means that schools can get away with bad teaching...

The other interesting aspect was the cross gender pairing - something that might have happened in 9th or 10th at our times now happens as early as 4th or 5th...call it hyper progress or innocence lost - the sheer exposure that this generation of kids has makes it almost impossible to manage them, forget control altogether....

Kids are also far more pressurized - by parents and peers alike...and yet many of them are clear about what career they want and how studying well fits into the picture - almost half the group of 15 odd kids I was talking to knew what they wanted to get into...

Orkut is another aspect - a supervisor of the cambridge part of the school actually was on orkut and monitored activities of her students on the network...

Its a new generation and they only get faster, smarter and better :)

Its time to find new ways to manage this gang - rather than sit back passively and watch it go outta bounds...

Good bye, CAT

2008-11-17T17:12:00.003+05:30

And so the CAT sunday passed away....some 2.5 lakh people taking the exam for less than 2000 seats (even lesser if you bring in the admission quotas and reservation math)

I haven't been too different when it comes to CAT - I used my performance in CAT to judge my self worth...and it was pretty kewl becuase I ended up with a good percentile - good enuff to get into an IIM

In retrospect I tend to talk about the event as if I had totally mastered my strategy. I talk as if I knew or I could predict what would happen and how I had the exact strategy for it. I often find myself talking to glaze eyed CAT aspirants about what my 'strategy' to crack the paper was.

Truth to be told - every admission into an IIM has a huge element of luck - at times it is your day and at times its not. As hard it may be to accept - its fortune from the start. Being born in a certain background with some aptitudes, having them developed and right upto that paper on that day which turned out to be "crackable"

Knowing how narrow the odds are in terms of making it, a huge chunk apparently registers but does not appear at all....and then there are the rest - who except for the top 1000 - 2000 return to next year perps or head to some other B School...

I dont know what goes on in their heads when they flunk the CAT - but I am sure its not anything too pleasant.

Why let an external exam judge you? Why take the verdict of CAT on a certain aptitude of your life as THE BLANKET VERDICT on all your life?

You may have bought into the hype created by the zillion CAT coaching classes about the IIMs - but now if you havent made it, its time to get unsold on it.

It is sure a very difficult challenge - but dont let your esteem take a hit for not making it at CAT. Know that success and satisfaction in life are no ways a biproduct of whether your BSchool name starts with 2 Is.

And the IIPM starts with 2 I's as well ;)

So good that CAT's finally over.... with all that it creates for all of us - Good bye, CAT :)

The compulsive buddha

2008-11-14T17:13:00.002+05:30

The middle path is often the best alternative it is said...and yet to me it has always contradicted at some level to committing to action - I mean how can you succed without full committment? Will moderation in that be right at all?

Personally when I look at my own situation though, I need to regulate my moods. It is a medical necessity rather than just a choice - so I am aware. I monitor how I feel in a detached manner (or atleast try to) and also regulate it...to that extent its the compulsive buddha.

I duno if given a choice I'd take this - I have always loved to live life at the maximum...letting joys be ecstacys and feeling the pain also deep within...thats what I was... and I think thats what reached a peak and its unsustainablity broke it down....

The challenge really is to be grounded and then experience all the joy and grief there is to- to me the experiencing of these at the deepest level made me feel more human, more alive...

However the middle path is also not as bad - its living in awareness of my moods rather than being swayed by them...

So for now I can call the compulsive buddha as a wise consequence, a great choice!

On experts and expertise

2008-11-14T15:38:00.002+05:30

I think expertise is grossly overrated.

As Anush points out, its the Einstien phenomenon. If Einstien's intelligence doubled in a flash, no one will be able to tell except Einstien himself. So for that matter we will have to take his word for it...

I went into a meeting today where the guy, almost to intimidate asks me, "Are you a technical man?"

"No not really" I say. Though there is a nerd alive within me, I decide to keep it straight...

"Then you wont understand a thing" he smirked.

Over the hour though he went on to explain the most common scientific aspects of his work - very simple core fundamentals that just needed some curiousity, some patience to understand. It was not complicated at all - and all the while he kept saying 'its complicated, its complicated'

I think the problem with expertise is manifold. For one, if you don't know what you don't know, it becomes almost impossible to estimate the quantum of what you don't know. And in that case even marginally better knowledge can seem expertise...

Then again people who posess this expertise jelously guard it - as businesses it is their trade secret while as individuals its their point of differentiation - something that keeps them as experts and maintains status quo

But I strongly believe that the fundamentals of any field are simple and can be understood without too much effort - basics are after all what they're meant to be - basic.

Whenever I have tried to dig beneath the surface for understanding a certain field, the truly secure 'experts' have freely shared...while there have been others who sit and protect their domains very seriously

As a society as we grow, knowledge is increasingly becoming more complex...and hence the temptation to rely on experts in each field...but that doesnt mean common sense should go for a walk...it should be there, around....

And as you explore and learn about more different things, you'll not only release the innate curious child within you but also see the beautiful patterns that emerge across fields and the often unbelievable correlations of beauty and knowledge...

Fragmented v/s Integrated living

2008-11-11T15:43:00.004+05:30

I just did a great post about JD writing (something we do for a living) and then removed it almost immediately....its a risk to post anything connected to work - especially when it has a nuiscence quotient....

And Anush in a timely manner warned me, apart from talking about a press release where 13 Virgin Atlantic employees were fired due to joking about the airline!

The one thing I dont like about jobs - or corporate work for that matter is that it forces us to fragment...to constantly split between the personal and professional...

For many this might be a great idea - after all the personal and professional must be fragmented...separated for convinience and separated as a principle

However to me, the principle of integrated living appeals much more - I am one person and all of me exists at any point of time. There may be parts of me which are not needed in a certain context those I am ready to put to back. But if someone goes out there deliberately to fish information for me and then use it - that is something that is an issue with me.

But then no-nonsense corporates are best left to their own means - and for me its self regulation all the way

Interesting stuff has happened at Orkut also - my orkut profile is written based on the transitions that I have gone through - now very often our relatives are not acquainted with these... So suddenly my description on orkut alarmed a cousin who immediately brought it to the notice of mom....

Now honestly I'd love it if I am left by myself - but thats again asking for parts of me to be hidden away from people they are not relevant too.... Its quite a contradiction of sorts you see...

Net Net I dont think anyone or anything in my context is ready to see all of me - not even myself! Why even when I see myself in the mirror I dont see all of me - I just see a side of me! Then doosre kya cheeze hain

Am I depressed?

2008-11-10T17:05:00.003+05:30

A tough question I ask myself....my immediate reaction is No! I am not!

For starters let me make a distinction between being depressed and what I call experiencing depression....

If I am depressed, then this depression becomes a part of my identity... I'd rather choose the option to call myself as 'experiencing depression' ... That makes it more temporary...that gives me a degree of freedom to be only experiencing it as something passing and not as something that has become a part of me...

There is a taboo to being depressed - atleast clinically so...its a happy world and we are all supposed to smile all the way...that often doesnt happen, and sometimes life can get really stark. Whether it is you brooding over the meaninglessness of creating temporary meaning in your life, or entirely for no reason feeling the blues....happens to us all....

I am going to make a large claim now - I believe each one of us experiences depression (and by that I mean the dark degree that affects the way we feel) at some point of time or the other...

I mean c'mon, you've been sent to the world without any clue...you live life with constructed wants or in an endless discovery of happiness... knowing that all is tranisent - think about these things for a bit and you're bound to feel depressed!

One of the things I guess people do when they experience such dark feelings is that they stop feeling altogether...and becuase you dont feel enough, you dont feel happy or sad enough - that keeps you in a 'zone of safety'...a glamourous name for this is the middle path. Depending on whether you have conciously choosen this or not, this is either an escape or a coping mechanisim - a very valid one at that

Do not assume for one bit that I am attempting to glorify depression - all I am trying to do is to observe the phenomenon that we call depression - this devil that we all fear and yet confront knowingly or unknowingly

I do know of a number of people around me, who 'experience the blues' more often than not...who live life so fully that the stoic tragedies of life are bound to percolate deep into their souls... and for them it is that I am concerned....

Because out there is a fairly functional world - a world that keeps moving without regard to how you feel or where your world is....at face of it that might be a great escape...but I am not sure if escaping depression is the right way out of it....

I think for me it is the confrontation of something deeper....for all this while I have assumed all that I know to be temporary...to be transient...and it is this search of meaning at times that leaves me feeling lost.... too complicated some would say...

At other times there is no reason really....

But now I would not call myself depressed... yes I am experiencing what are some of the symptoms associated with being depressed but hey, I am aware of it as well....While I am not resisting it or fighting it, I belive that experiencing it fully will let a natural equilibrium follow....

Well thats a pretty self indulgent post...but in the end thats what being depressed is about...its about when I start to think only of myself and treat the rest of the world as unreal...or as 'not me'...and i transact with it very transactionally...

So when I do this blog post, I feel good - I feel great that there is someone out here who shares my pain...who is also a little lost...who is also a little bit of a seeker...and that I am not alone...its often that one small comment on the blog that can make all the difference

Depression is like water thats stagnant in a pond...stinking...with mosquitoes and maybe even frozen....life on the other hand is like a river... it flows... it goes on with the new replacing the old...

It is in fully embracing this flow that life is about...sometimes meaning lies just beyond the constructs of our mind...just beyond the meaning of meaning...so beautiful to admire my intellectual cave....so difficult to light that match and create light for real.....

It's the gravity, stupid!

2008-11-09T18:28:00.002+05:30

Gravity is a force that we have all learnt to live with, in the real world. You know that if you fling something in the air, it will come down....

Gravity also works in our personal and spiritual context - the default for your unless you apply a force to the contrary, is to go down....

So very soon I start feeling bored, lost or sad....its the gravity that pulls me to my default state...each and every time....

Being spritually aware in such times is like having storeys to a building - you can shield against gravity when you are at your home on the nth floor (you dont hit the ground ground but just the floor of your floor)

But still gravity exists....what it means for us is that whatever we do to get to a feel good etc. will be temporary, till it is internalized....and even after being internalized, there will still remain a force acting on taking things to status quo - to boredom, to unhappiness, to restlessness....

Its that gravity that i am trying to fight - at times I forget that such a force will always exist. I just sit wondering why I am feeling low again...or why is it down again after being so high just a little while ago.....

Its the gravity, stupid!

Measures against this gravity mean taking your daily dose of positivity (maybe from some self help tape or some Aastha pravachan). It means doing your daily chores like meditation - those will keep you more intact than not...any slip in this and there is gravity, waiting out there to take over, to swallow you and drive you straight back to the lows...

Next time you feel low without a reason, remind yourself...its the gravity, stupid!

On self obsessions and happiness

2008-11-07T22:37:00.002+05:30

This one's to you Anuj Gosalia

For writing to me out of nowhere - thanking me for my blog posts... It has inspired me...inspired me enough to start blogging again....

I realise that time and again my attention deviates to myself - I become too self centered and warped... unhappy not knowing the real cause of my state...

And then suddenly out of nowhere is a blip - something that shakes me out of my self absorbed-ness.....something that suddenly takes attention elsewhere...from moving in the void of my state to something beyond...

Your mail did that to me, Anuj. It made me happy. And thats what I was trying to be for so long...for so long I was trying to get myself to do something that makes me happy...

And yet I forgot what I knew and was so time tested - that happiness does NOT come from within....it comes from the response of within to the without...and the origin of happiness often comes from knowing that you're not alone...there are other living creatures out there - some of whom respond to you...

It felt like knowing that I was alive...I was someone...and I mattered....just that one small email from you Anuj...it was really powerful

That also makes me feel that a lot of what I do must also be very powerful for others - the way I respond to situations, the comments that I make at people and all of that....

How many more souls can I rescue from their self absorbed-ness....that much more net happiness I can create and pass around...for all to cherish...for all to enjoy

One last time, Thank you Anuj

The joy of being God

2005-12-16T10:50:00.000+05:30

Yesterday was beautiful....

I popped a CD into the lifeless computer and on the screen was my first ever script - LIVE!!! As every word of the Pantaloon corporate video's rough cut was being read out, I could almost leap with joy! This was the script that we had run through more than 20 times...carefully weighing each word, how and when it should be said and more!

And when I saw it on screen, actually happen, I was in total bliss!!! Almost as if I was giving birth......

And yeah the perinnieal regret of getting the raw end of the deal by being a man (you dont get to give BIRTH!!!) is always going to stay as an unhealed wound, I realised that creativity lets you give birth to something of your own....

As a creative freak I've experienced the sheer high of ideas....the frenzy that grips you as you scribble stuff even you wont be able to read on paper ....... you just want to let it out of you.....the pains of clutching an idea in the confines of your inner space, in the unmanifest are akin to the labour pains .....if not that physical, the discomfort is there.....

And then you express the idea....the child is born....its a mixure of joy that is heightened by relief.......

Creativity lets me be God in small ways many times over, and each time its a very very rewarding experience....

And the greater the masterpiece you've made, the greater the joy....

And that makes me think that God (if She exists) would be a very very happy person! Imagine the joy of having created something as beautiful as me ;)

To throw or not to throw

2005-12-13T11:50:00.000+05:30

That was the question on my mind as I was sitting on the second seat of the local compartment, chomping on my ferro rocher......

I originally took great pride in not throwing stuff around....

And yet if I dont throw garbage, and everyone does that it will only make the municipal sweepers lazier.....I realise that I am anyways spending a bomb in getting these services (yeah i just started paying tax)

If I throw again it becomes dirty and I look bad....

Confusing a thought isn't it......

The death of Neo.....the birth of Morpheus

2005-12-09T11:38:00.000+05:30

I am my own super hero - I don't find anything egoistic about it.....I am amazed and surprised at my sheer ability to learn, to achieve and to share myself.....I rock.....

I survived a tough one....never thought I would.....Neo dies before he is resurrected......I too had died.....the part of me that dreamt of enterprises and freedom was dead.....my soul was heading forth towards the land of corporate slavery (I don't wanna be politically correct here - SORRY)And then suddenly I resurrected......something happened....Maybe God realised he'd taken the joke too far....maybe He figured that I was his best chance to rescue others......he gave me back my soul....my life....my faith....And then I was Neo........I had understood the matrix....for the first time......I was stronger than ever.....I was an inspiration to myself....Life had given me what I had demanded of it.....not fully but had made major concessions......

And I realise that its my turn to be Morpheus now.....to rescue others who are dying slow deaths....getting suffocated in corporate labyrinths.....stifling their innate creativity......suffing away God gifted talents........And I can no longer stand it.....time to rescue is here.......Yeah thats waht my mission is....to rescue more and more people into Zion......The Neo in me is now going to die......its time for the birth of Morpheus

Memories of music

2005-12-02T09:51:00.000+05:30

I love music ...... there is a song for every special moment in my life....it may not be playing out there but its there in my head.....and when I hear that song I get transported to that era....

Let me for example take songs that I associate with IIM B......

"allah ke bande"....start of term 1.....C block seniors playing it all day....confusion....enthusiasm.....challenges.....

"koi kahe" is a very private song I share with vibhor....we believed every word of it for both of us and shared that special feeling of having cracked and rocked IIM B :)

"Koi toh ho" from chupke se reminds me of the time right after summers....the raw high of getting the DB summers.....unexpectedly cracking it....yeah I'm a stud kinda feeling

Then there is "Solitude" from Karunesh.....Fanaah......lonely moments at the insti....heart aches....these songs so beautifully capture that phase.....

boom boom....apex days....L2 and life is so beautiful kinda feeling.....

o podu flashes the image of a dancing jeeves......dancing in max enthu .....wat a beautiful person.....wat a song :)))

Yeah a lot of them are about people.....that thing you do = sugi....
californication and kandisa = sid.......
Kawa Kawa = we dancing around ali
.........any satya song or ghati number = we doin ghaati dancing

Tara Jala reminds me of a time when I really really wanted to achieve....a lost kinda feeling at times....

Kal Ho Na Ho is for the summers itself...Singapore...Samrat Ghosh...DB......figuring what life is about

All of swades songs remind me of germany....thats where i was when it got released......cycling in sub zero temperatures wiht the laptop blasting these songs away.....

And of course "naina milke"....Saathiya....the coorg trip with speaking tree...... :))))

And aaj jaane ki zid na karo......reminds me of Biplab....

Jats the way would remind any IIM B guy of Sameer Mahandru, the impeccable presi that we had.....

Its the time to disco reminds me of this whole studs gang of apachhu, andy and pankaj who'd set the dance floor on fire.....

and hawa hawa reminds me of andy....he'd FREAK on it....totally totally freak........

And then jumma chumma....the song when we expressed the sheer frustration of our apex......Gattu and me pounding away at the floor as if it was Rambo.....

Chori Chori reminds me of saket....i dont know why...saket neel matta and the whole gang.....no clue why......

And of course there are many many private songs that remind me of tender intimate moments.....songs at L2...I wanna break free.....sweet child of mine.........

And the L2 songs that we felt as they played....its my life.....in the end it doesnt even matter.....pink floyd.....all of that......

And of course Maaeri....the song that would send you in wonderment.....complete wonderment of what the fuck is happening in my life.....

Shakira's Whenever Wherever reminds me of our seniors too....the song stopped playing when they left.....

The chadthi jawani song reminds me of when these NIFT babes had come and Chery forced me to dance with them (which in retrospect was not that bad an idea.....)

Nitin swanhey music reminds me of the time when I was slogging away at the business when the rest of the B school was muggin away for placements.....it represents the disconnect i felt at that time.....

Maar Gayo re....gabru.....dil le gayi kudi....chunri chunri...dupatta baimaan re.....all the remixes...each of these songs captures a feeling, an era that's almost impossible to create.....

unless of course you play the song itself :)

Glimpses of the Law of dharma

2005-11-23T17:34:00.000+05:30

I did my morning journey today with Tony Robbins blasting away on purpose of life and so on....was a good refresher.... I kinda like to drill these down to the subconcious and hence repeat listening....

Then in the afternoon I was meeting a young adolecent - in his 9th....messed up in his acads and stuff so parents want me to "show the way"

I did everything but that....took him for a walk along marine drive...chatted in general.....reminded me of my 9th....man teenage can get really messed up - thats like the peak of cluelessness about what to do and yet the baseless confidence of knowing it all types....

It was a good meeting - there was no magic or anything - we agreed that he should take a learning style test which I passed on to him.....

But it was good - we talked about everything......video games....sex.....relationships.....what you wanna do in life.....girls....and all that could possibly be on a 15 year old's mind.....

At the end of it I felt really really satisfied.....though I hadn't accomplished anything....deep within the feeling you get of having done something right.....i was happy......i just loved it....and this was not even gyaan giving....it was just listening....connecting to another youngster and making him realise that he isn't a problem that needs to be 'fixed'.....letting him figure out his own solutions......

And Raviji says right after that - you have to meet my son....he too is facing problems....

Show me a teenager who is not!!! There is a problem. There is a market. And there is my law of dharma...... someday I will get down to solving it .... and living my true purpose :))))

Or maybe I am already doing it ;)

That feeling of being lost

2005-11-23T14:14:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I feel like a hyper-active kid .... the world being a throuroughly boring place with nothing exciting to do.....

And then I begin to brood about life....you're thrown in here....without any instructions, any idea of what you're supposed to do........you're conditioned by the world around for years till you develop 'reasoning'......and still it doesn't help....

You construct some meaning into your life....or get busy with what everyone is doing.....or risk being labelled insane if the quest of eternal questions gets to you.....

So basically I am stuck on all sides....can't get myself 'involved' in stuff junta gets excited about.....its just not enough to keep me busy

Of course another good 'timepass' could be breaking rules - of course in a way that doesn't damage myself or others....but that leaves a very few options....experimentations in relationships or food...... ;)

But again it can get boring after a while....you know life at such times feels like this long 18 hour bus journey to Udaipur with no halt or any interesting scenery outside......

What do you do....sit and type on blogs.....hoping desperately that someone will come and rescue you to a more exciting and thrilling world....a more fulfilling one.....

I know its the mind-monkey that's taken me over.......its romping all over the place right now.....restless ..... i am posessed by it.....and I am letting it vent itself all over.......because i dont want to fight it.....i just want to let it be....thats the way it is.....

I will retreat to meditating.....the monkey will rest....the real me will surface....it needs nothing to be satisfied.....nothing at all to be happy....it is pure bliss in itself.....it is pure satisfaction... :)

Train and real estate

2005-11-22T13:40:00.000+05:30

Trains occupy mindspace - and why wouldn't they, given that I travel 3 hrs a day on the train....thats more time than what I spend doing personal stuff, entertaining myself or with my family.....

Space in train is very much like the real estate in Mumbai

First are the windows - the best being the wind side non sunny i.e. you dont get the dhoop and wind right into your face. These seats are grabbed by the fastest and first entrants. These are like the Worlis and Nariman Points of Mumbai - people who came to the city early occupied it......just like a guy boarding a train midway cant dream of a window seat, nor can anyone just starting out dream of a home at any of these places....

Next to get filled up are the other seats - these are typically people who want to sit - wherever they can. But not stand. This can be mapped to the town side areas upto Dadar - they are not seaside but valuable in their own right

While these get occupied, so does the door. The front part of the door actually......this is like the bandra and andheri - for the noveau rich......people who've just come into the train and are willing to bet on their hanging skills to stay on.......

The rest of the door is like Kandivali - Malad - Mulund types....inconvinient but still kewl to be @........

Finally is the gangway - its this squashed place which has nothing - no ventilation, no space, people stepping on each other and stuff......Thats like the real suburbs - apna Thane, dahisar, dombivali, kalyan, virar and the like.......

And what do you make of the odd creature on the top of the train? I would say he's like someone living in navi mumbai and the likes - he has decided to ditch the damn city (the main train compartment) for comforts but is far far from the city center......

Where I end up in the train is not totally under my control - depends on so many things....

But hey I like the comparision :)))

Of lazy sundays that rock

2005-11-21T13:56:00.000+05:30

Had a beautiful sunday yesterday.....

For one i drove all the way to Andheri, back again and then to the international airport.....was great to zoom a car :)))

and then i managed to dent it entering my society's door :(

talk abt overconfidence!!!

the other kewl thing was this sunday lunch we did....hemang, nammu et moi....three of us.....cooked our meal and had it....there is so much fun in cooking your own food.....mebbe it has something to do wt our hunter-gatherer origins....

evening again i cooked - a great pizza topping, potato shaak and made amazing toast that i was proud of :)))

an ideal sunday methinks.....totally chilled......

you need a few things for that tho.....first you need free sundays....then an enthu to cook and stuff.....and great friends to share it :)))))

perfection in life when you least expect it :)

Baapu rox!

2005-11-17T13:48:00.000+05:30

I sometimes just detest the kind of massive influence your parents can have over your life....I mean the first five years of your life, they get to condition you to their heart's content, you dont even have your reasoning.....

Anyways coming to the point I've figured this - that what I discover after a lot of pain, needless adventures and fight, my dad already knows....he's kinda figured it out....

Let me take a very simple example.....my dad put an address tag at the back of his sleek Sony T 610......why would someone do that to such a nice phone I wondered! I mean I would never do it ....

That till today as I was blissfully sipping Masala Milk at this Aarey Sarita that I discover that I'd left my mobile at this eating place!!! AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGG!!! It did not even have my name tag that the finder could have returned it! Silly me!! It's so logical for someone to put a tag on the cell.....if I ever find it, I swear to myself I will do it....

Now its all settled.......I found my cell....the first thing I need to do is to go and put an address tag to it......it might be odd and silly to have....but i wanna give the honest guy who finds my cell phone a chance to return it......

So the formula is simple.....figure out what baapu's doing, find the reasons (and avoid the cheap thrills and potential losses)

Rich experiences and experiencing richly

2005-11-15T00:28:00.000+05:30

I always thought I wanted my life to be only about rich experiences - you know the diverse wide variety types.....

Like if at the end of life, God brings a bundle of papers and says 'here are life stories of 30 consultants....more or less the same' and then he gets out one HUGE dossier 'and here's Abhishek Thakore's'

You get the point dont you? ;)

More and More experiences....

But i realise that its equally about getting fully into the experience that you are having as well.....

Fully experiencing and enjoying it....

Had a beautiful trip to alibaug......khim actually......

Long stretches of private beach with no one to stare as you boogey under the moonlight or sit silently at the shore wondering what the hell is happening with life.....

Absolute stillness....total silence....the vastness of the ever present sea to put things into perspective......up in the sky millions of stars - twinkling simultenously though they may have happened millions of years apart.....

Rich experiences and experiencing richly - both need a lil bit of time and a lil bit of money........and i guess these are the two things that make me feel alive...very very alive.....

I'm happy

2005-11-11T13:52:00.000+05:30

You know pre IIM days I used to think about IIM as a place where you get a gang of peple who are all over the industry....a veritable mafia......

Today I realised that it was coming true....here I was sitting right across....Sid!!!!

Sid has been a team mate right since days of the gruesome Apex (a rigrous project in Marketing). Our complimentary set of strengths led us to do a 'superefficient' project in the second year.....that apart of course, we've worked for the Culcom and stuff.....

Hard to imagine apna Sid right across the table, now a Tata man, explaining what his training needs were! It was good...I felt happy....sort of proud of Sid as well....and yeah the moment the meeting ended we went into talk about summers and football or Alibaug for Sunday.....

You may spend all your life networking but this kinda friendship is way beyond that....coz we've shared something way beyond that......

And it was funny too.....the BIIIIIIIIITCH screaming Sid right here talking corporate stuff!!! LOL :))))

Feels good to see your gang all around.....wonder if we'll ever be able to build an organisation where all people working were pals and are having a blast working together....

If a single meeting can be fun, I'm sure such a workplace would be a BLAST...

Getting clarity....

2005-11-11T12:55:00.000+05:30

I realised that I was confused about this blog....at times I just wrote my own thoughts, not bothering about who the hell is gonna read it......

Then there were other times when I would write great 'Masala' articles and get good comments on them and feel good....

Asking people to link up to my blog, I wondered why would people who weren't friends do it? Was it something I wanted at all or not?

So also all this while, while there were thoughts there were no posts....as a writer I can express the same thought in many different ways....those which are good to read and those which are straight from the heart or a combo of both.......

Finally the confusion has ended.....This blog is gonna stay a personal blog - it is going to be about my lessons and insights on the path......very personal and only for close junta....here I write only for myself....nothing in terms of 'right' or 'wrong' and stuff.....

Then I'll prolly start another blog that will have more JAM POV type articles....you know the ones that are more article material.....

Lesse how this one goes :)

Misplaced trust?

2005-10-31T16:41:00.000+05:30

One of my articles earlier this year said that trust is the currency of the future - that corporations who can command trust will be in a position of power.

Two things that happned last week, that made me rethink where I was placing trust in....

One was with my bank. I accidentially issued a cheque for 12k from my sister's account and the bank ACTUALLY cleared the damn cheque.......

It was an unbelievable error - really makes you wonder where you place trust :)

Cleaning up the past

2005-10-30T11:42:00.000+05:30

Today I took up a rather brave task - cleaning up the attic....in the process I destroyed half of my personal history museum. Everything from letters to cards, gifts and keychains...everything that teenage is made up of....you know stuff you dont really wanna let go...

Hundreds of letters ;) ........ your own diaries and memorable trinkets you've collected from all over.....

I realised that it had been a memorable journey - these artifacts reminded me of so many forgotten adventures

And yet I realised that if it has been so memorable so far, there is no reason why the way ahead won't be so too....

And its also an attempt to get more present moment centric - when I destroy these artifacts, I literally disconnect from past memory traces....Not that I wont think of them ocassionally or cherish them, but just that I wont live in them...not brood in them

And the task was far tougher than I thought - almsot felt like a part of me going as I ripped each letter.......But at the end it did give me a feeling of being free....a sense of moving ahead.....and getting ready to create some new memories :))

A few good ideas...

2005-10-30T11:38:00.000+05:30

I am basically an idea person - keep getting ideas and just cant help it! Here are some (about Mumbai) that people should think about

a. Any Mumbai railway platform is a asbestos roofing thing - There is so much of space above these platforms that if some dood of a builder can just pick up the contract to build on top of these stations, you'll have PRIME real estate - BANG ON THE STATION

b. The other was the mithi river -basically a literal nallah that flows across the city - again someone could just take the contract to channel all the dirty water into pipes to the sea, in return for the land that the river flows on - thats massive real estate just lying waste...

These thoughts come after I heard of the property prices for a new building in Borivali (just less than a 2 km from my place) - at a staggering 4200 bux a square foot - and think about a decent sized house and there - it costs you half a khokha!

Really makes you think how expensive it is getting to inch townside.....I'm happy with my Dahisar for now.....

Later I hope some of these wise builders will develop well connected to the city townships......you know with bunglows and stuff - I'll grab that piece :)

Real estate BTW is a great investment and a great business to be in - though with anything else - the entry barriers are high (especially the brushes with the underworld part of it)......whatever the case may be, for now these guys are having a ROCKING time :)

The 5 rupee something walk

2005-10-29T10:43:00.000+05:30

The crawling traffic on Warden Road snarled at me and I decided to leave it alone, taking the 15 minute walk to Grant Road station.

En route I decided to try this unique experiment - called 5 rupee something. The rules were simple

1. Buy anything to eat which should necessarily be priced at Rs.5 or less
2. It should be something being tried for the first time
3. The whole process would be very spontenous and thought free - more like a shopping splurge....

My eyes first went to the Muchhad Panwalla stall - the guy had a website too! That fascination was enough for me to try a paan - the Kalwi, a sweet and rather tasty paan for five bucks....

As a chewed enjoying it, I marched ahead, wondering what would catch my eye next.......it was chana zor garam. It had been ages since I'd tried that spicy snack, and luckily the tiny packet was for five bucks. With fresh lemon squeezed, it was a spicy delight...

That left me wanting to have something to soothe it....i walked on ....fruits....some chocolate...nothing really appealing (remember the rule was that it has to be very instinctive)

So I pulled across in a good 'ol ganna juice shop and had an icy glass of juice, again five bux. Which was quite a relief.....

As I was walking out I could not resist the vadas .....picked a vada (at three bucks) and relished it going back to the spicy realm.

The original plan was to end it with the new Perk - I love it at 5 bux its any chocolate addict's regular shot...but chocolate miffins (@4 bucks) at the bakery caught my eye, and I hogged 'em......

By now I was quite full, and left with a feeling of having splured.....though the total bill was more like 22 bucks.....it was a great walk and before I knew it I reached the station :)

Sometimes there are simple things that can make a difference....and can be so very enjoyable :)

My ultimate addiction

2005-10-29T10:23:00.000+05:30

There is something I got addicted to as a youngster ..... could not leave it for long. You know how an addiction is - it just gets over you, literally rules you....one drag and it feels so good!

For me that addiction, I realised today, is community work. Blue Ribbon (my youth NGO) restarted operations today with SMILE (Special Moments of Inspiration, Learning and Enjoyment). We took 25 odd economically underprivilged kids on a Mumbai Darshan (sight seeing tour) - the idea was to spend time with them. To interact with them. And to inspire them in the process.

I JUST LOVED IT!!!

It just brought out the best in me - talking to kids. There was this chap who absolutely refused to let a girl sit next to her! Reminded me of the time when I was 10-11 years old!

These kids were amazing - they could be happy at the tiniest thing. As a train passed under the flyover, the bus went into a roar! It was so much fun....

At the same time we had to be careful with a few things. Our attention had to be fairly divided. We decided to keep away from games that involved religious references (just to avoid any controversy, which in retrospect I think was more in our minds)

Screaming, singing, dancing - I said to myself, 'This is life'....and realised I had not said that to myself in a long long time....

Now how much ever people may rationalise saying my job helps people save their money or it helps people wear good clothes or so and so....ABSOULTELY NOTHING BEATS THE FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE. The sheer joy and satisfaction is an uncomparable high. I wouldn't feel as happy even if I bought the best car or a farmhouse or a bunglow.....I realise that the best joys in life are free..........and for now that jow is brewing and flowing out of my heart :)

Local train and lessons in corporate life

2005-10-21T00:05:00.000+05:30

The local train, today, was deceptively similar to the "ride" in the corporate world.....or maybe it was my mind that was bringing out the similarities.....whatever the case may be, it left me thinking.....just as when you make a model of something much larger, and use it to explore what would happen, I used the trains to think about many issues.....

The first decision I had to take for my journey was WHICH train to take - one option would be the slowest and the most comfortable - Borivili slow train. Then would come the slightly more crowded and marginally faster, Borivali fast. And then would be the fastest and most crowded - the Virar. These are like different sectors - different types of jobs. The final destination could perhaps be a financial goal. A Virar train is like your consult investment banking job. Quite competitive (when you're about to climb on board of the Virar you know there are so many others!), quite crowded....and the fastest way to reach your goals. The Borivali fasts and slows could be like other career streams - you reach your destination and in a far comfortable manner, but it takes much longer. And you have to see many virar trains that started later than you overtake you.......

I decided to take the virar. (any reflection of the kind of choices I am going to make?) The crowded train is enough of a thrill - and the speed doesn't hurt either! I beat my co-passengers on the station to head for the doorway - almost like cracking placements to get the best job in these sectors....

The ride on the door is like that of a CEO - its filled with its ups and downs. Firstly there are perks that anybody would (quite literally) die for - full body ventilation, amazing view outside, no suffocation and no pressure as people climb on stations that come the other side. And yet the same position has its downsides as well - when there is a station right on the side that you're hanging out on, it is quite a struggle to stay on board. And then there are those few moments where you are about to fall off the train.....Someone like Pankaj seems to be living at this level, and enjoying every moment of it.

The second line, right behind the hang-outers is more peaceful. It doesnt have the risk of falling down. It doesnt face the crowds in times the station comes. Of course there is not enough ventilation (and once you're used to hanging out this seems too little) and lots of pushing....the trade offs are always there.....but for someone like my father, this is the most optimal combination to be (in fact in train too he prefers to travel at this position!)

There are people who are sitting comfortably - these are people who've had a head start....in real life similar to people who already have family businesses and wealthy or outstandingly intelligent backgrounds. For these guys, the ride is quite comforatble - and anyone would not mind switching places with them - but it should be remembered that these dudes had a headstart....

And as I finally get down at dahisar I see people right on the roof of the train - sitting and enjoying the breeze. And yet extremely risky and dangerous way to travel in my opionion. Someone like Vinod or Leslie are people who live life this way - totally doing what they love, and extremely meaninguful. But for someone like me it would give me the shivers!

Its interesting how its all there....and how for each train there will be all types of people.....some with a headstart....some prefering the thrill of the door and others prefering to stand just behind.....each with a different set of choices, and each with a different place he would think is the best (optimal ventilation-safety combination if you ask me!)

For now though the thought I'm left with is that switching trains too frequently is the slowest, most painful, and tough way to get to your destination......and for now I'm heading towards swithing my first train on the career track :)

How to become a millionnaire before 30 :)

2005-10-19T18:37:00.000+05:30

Read something very interesting at quite an unlikely place....

I was reading "The hero myth and timeless mythical themes in the movie Matrix" - an extremely interesting look at how the Matrix merely reflects a standard path of stages that mythology across the world follows....

Anyways here was what I read

It was a study of 250 people who became millioniares by 30. The common things about them were

a. None of them wanted to make money
b. None of them made it on the stock markets
c. All of them loved what they did and excelled at it
d. Quite a few of them had a near-death experience!

Really interesting I'd say.....not that I dont know the basics but I guess near death experiences are the ones that really shake you up and make you LIVE this......

For now I am content being on the slow track to being a millioniare....but the post has surely got me thinking....

Why not so?

2005-10-18T19:37:00.000+05:30

NLP (Neuro Linguisting Programming) rocks! It is a powerful technology of personal change that I would recommend to everyone.... I'm attending a 10 day workshop on the subject right now....getting a 10 day leave from work needs a lot of things. For one it needs an inner sense of responsiblity that your work will stay unaffected to whatever extent possible. It also needs a boss and a company that trusts you and lets you take that kind of a leave. And then you need something to do with the 10 days - a lot of people would go crazy figuring what to do with 10 free days! For others, it would probably be the first time in many months that they are doing that.....

But then I would love a job that lets me take time off - you know, work half the time. I ask my every-busy consultant friends, why are they so overworked? Why doesn't the company just hire a few more people! Of course easier said than done, they are apparently too expensive and so priced high (which also makes sure the client extracts the maximum value!)

But then with these IIM-type pay packets, I would really not mind a job that makes me work for 6 months and pays me half the annual salary, and gives me time off for the remaining six months to do as I wish. Write. Travel the world. Go fishing or camping or trekking. Whatever.

I know that sounds extremely silly and perhaps even romantic - but why not so? What would happen if the most talented people, say the cream at all the premier B Schools, simply refuse to take on anything but a six to ten months a year job? Would organisations, who compete for the sharpest minds also adjust to such a demand? Because I really think that the one dimensional analytical minds are not the best ones - the best minds are those that are constantly fed by new things and are infinitely curious......

If someone would offer me the deal, I'd take it without a second thought. Of course it would slow down my career considerably (but whose in da race man?) and might take me much longer to get good at the job.......but look at how much it will let me enjoy my life - every year and every month to the fullest. And who knows? I might just end up being even more prolific and productive at work too ;)

Is someone listening??

A new model for living

2005-10-17T21:51:00.000+05:30

Debdutt Patnaik was a mythology expert I met at someone's birthday party. Having done a post grad in mythology, he was apparently quite an authority on Indian mythology - which was his passion. The next time he popped up was in some article, I guess in the Times which he had written. Then he was doing a lecture on 'Da Vinci Recoded : The mythological meaning of Da Vinci's symbolism' at NCPA

The n the other day at the airport I came across a book written by him - needless to say it was quite impressive.....seemed like the person I had met that day was one of India's leading historians, which was subsquently confirmed.

But what really got to me was what I discovered about him today. I got to know that Debdutt is not a full time mythologist. In fact, he has a normal day job with the Sanofi-Aventis group! And inspite of a nine hour a day job, he pens close to three thousand words a day - which makes him the prolific writer he is. Having published eight books, he's on his way to getting many more out!

Inspires me....so there are people after all, who are managing to negotiate the ultiamte question - doing what you love v/s doing what you get paid for. Becuase its very rare that what you love to do pays you enough to live a life that you want to......

Ditto feelings when I discovered Chetan Bhagat, of Five Point Someone was an I Banker at DB Singapore! I guess more and more of us will start to adopt this bread butter model - with basic money coming from a day job but the passion staying alive and kickin!

for me its very exiting simply because it gives me a new way to live - a new way to think about fulfilling my dreams.....

The latest worry

2005-10-17T21:50:00.000+05:30

Raising expenses....increasing waistlines....decreasing hairlines.....meaningless lives.....junta finds a lot of things to worry about.

But my latest concern is that I call the increasing 'dream-do' gap.

The dream-do gap, simply defined is the ease with with you can fulfil what you set out to do. Its the gap between the dream that you have and

seeing it (or any progress towards it) in reality.

I remember a time when for me, almost nothing was impossible. We dreamt of a huge interschool fest - and we did it. We thought of an NGO

membership of 100+ and we did it. I dreamt of learning to swim - and did it.

However recently, this gap is increasing.....I mean there are things that I want to do but cant get down to doing them. The gap is increasing. My

promises to myself are going unfulfilled. And I need to do something about it.

So my typical self help POA will be to get started on some amount of meditation (quiet mind is a fertile ground for releasing your desires), some

actionable goal setting (and immediate rewards attached to that) and most importantly trying to keep the promises that I make to myself....I

guess its these small battles that will help me bridge that gap again.....

The changing face of celebdom

2005-10-13T22:16:00.000+05:30

Two interesting things happened in the last few days......on one side, courtesy IIPM, IBM, JAM and ArinDAM, blogsphere had its new celebrity. Gaurav Sabnis was on every second blog that I visited, on forwarded emails and Yahoo Chats.....everywhere! More on Gaurav's choice in another post.....but all Gaurav did was an act in line with his principles - something that none of the mainstream media covered (until recently). And yet, the info spread like a wildfire on the blogsphere. From internal bullentin boards and posts, I am sure the discussion would have percolated to a lot of other places....

The other was my friend Dhaval Bathia making it to the front page of Education Times. Dhaval is a young prodigy - having trained 30,000 people in Vedic Maths and authored 2 books, he's 22. Dhaval inspired my first book, The Portrait of a Super Student. I was quite excited to see him appear there - and obviously assuming that others in my family would have seen it, I brought up the topic. To my utter surprise, my entire family had missed it.

Come to think of it they really had no reason to catch it - 100 pages of Times hit our home day after day. Education times comes twice a week. And there is so much of an information overload that there is really little that you can be sure will be read.

Which makes me think about how this whole thing is changing. Imagine a huge rally with just one stage - a leader with a powerful loudspeaker. You have no choice but to listen to that leader. However boring he may be. After all, he has the mic. This is pretty much like your DD era - just one channel - one group of people with the power to broadcast, and for the rest of us to bear the agony. I belive that Indian television reached its all time high viewership at the time of Mahabharat - why even the streets used to be deserted!

Slowly, other people in the rally start putting up stages of their own, and begin to get their loud speakers. Now as a listener you have a choice of whom to listen to. People naturally flock to the most interesting speaker. The power to speak - to broadcast is slowly getting democratized. And what is being talked is getting interesting. Noise levels too are rising. That's similar to your cable TV zamana. Channels are popping up and the most interesting ones are winning - viewership is diffused.

Eventually where this is heading though is interesting. Imagine now, in the rally, that anybody and everybody who wants to speak has a loudspeaker. The rally turns into a mini fish market. Everyone always has an intrinsic urge to say something - and now with a loudspeaker in each persons hand, its getting crazier by the day! Blogging is perhaps the start of a stage similar to this - a stage in when we would be able to literally broadcast our own stuff to the world. Not only with text but everything - audio, video and the works. It'll be a crazy world where everyone is talking, and listening only to those who are very interesting.

Imagine what would this do to the media as a whole. Advertising that depends on eyeballs and attention would obviously shift. From niche channels to super niche - forget about having just a family comedy channel. I could be broadcasting videos or programmes about my trekking experiences - for the trekking community. Or a nostalgic video for IIM Class of 2005. Downloadable on demand.

The first group of those who reach and hijack this sphere are going to become immensely powerful. Or atleast central to this revolution. Someday, I believe, Rashmi's blog will be read more than JAM. It wont cost her anything to publish. And possibly it will have advertising revenues too. Companies like Google see this already, and are in the process of ENABLING it - trying to help people broadcast, and grow in the process. 80,000 new blogs a day. The pace is simply scorching! And its happening as you read this - in the time you'd have read this, another 150 odd blogs would have started!

What does that mean for celebdom? I believe that becoming a celeb is going to become both easier and more difficult at the same time. For someone like Gaurav who took a once-in-a-lifetime decision, he was an instant celeb. In the blogsphere, he would have instant recognition for what he did. And he didn't spend a dime on PR or publicity.

And yet on the other hand the next time Dhaval appears in Education Times, I fear even fewer people are going to notice it. Simply because the rate at which information is going to be thrown at people is bound to increase. And attention spans are bound to fall. Which would possibly also mean that celebdom would be very very polarised. You would have a handful of really famous celebs - essentially in fields that have a cross appeal like films, politics or sports. And loads of field celebs known to junta connected to that field.

Of course all this might take years and years to happen - Gaurav is pretty much one of the first net celebs we have. And this network is still far far smaller given the sheer size of India. And we're talking about an India where people havent opened their first email accounts yet, forget blogging. They're still waiting for uninterrupted power, pure water and food. Till then we still have hope for the wannabe Page 3 celebs and Medianet type PR agencies!

Literally disco dandiya!

2005-10-12T14:01:00.000+05:30

Navratri is almost like the desi version of a rock concert for junta around - you get to put your hair down and dance. Its a lot of fun and I've enjoyed watching cute chicks and some really great dudes dance the garba......

But this mandal at Anand Nagar (at Dahisar, Mumbai) took this too literally - turning what was perhaps the best dandiya-garba night around into a discotheque! The sight gave me a funny feeling - kind of a mix of amusement-disgust-surprise combo. You know its like seeing some traditional godess you worship suddenly appear in a jeans and a body hugging top.....she's still the godess, but its just not the same you know....thats the closest I can come to describing how it felt I guess....

I dont want to really pass a moral judgement on this one - all I can say is that our area desperately needs a disc, and that could be another business opportunity knockin away :)

The BIG "E" - Life as an entrepreneur

2005-10-12T13:19:00.000+05:30

Here's something I posted on the IIM B internal board, where junta from our batch has been posting their job experiences....

The big "E" - Life as an entrepreneur

Take the most challenging job, the one that you think is the most thrilling and adventurous. Multiply its 'thrill' factor ten fold. Add oodles of uncertainity, a high stake pay off and the sheer joy and pleasure of working for something you love, and something you believe in - and there you have entreprenurship.

This is Abhishek Thakore, Class of 2005. Summers at DB Singapore.

Since I started putting total night outs 8 months ago on my venture, I haven't been a particularly successful entrepreneur yet. In fact I've screwed up at a lot of places! So while these views might be coloured by my own experience, these have also been shaped by many other ground realities and eco-checks....

So disclaimers apart, lets head straight in!

I'd say entrepreneurship has a glamour quotient that goes far higher than the hottest day 0 jobs on campus - I say this because somehow if you're from an IIM and trying to start something off, you're going to be in the roving eye of the press. Which means a lot of footage. Which means drunk dancers coming on L2 and getting senti about how they too would love to chase their dreams 'someday'. Which means profs giving long sessions on why not to take the leap. Which means a lot of people curious to find out whats up with you. Which means having to explain to a lot of people why its not taking off as you planned it to. Which means a lot of expectations.

I'll split dhandha into 2 types - one is where you have a family owned business running, and the other, where you startup. I dont know much about the former. But chances are that your dad is unlikely to be in something like nanotechnology or new age schools. From what I have seen family startups tend to be the not-so-attractive places - from building industrial dynamites to distributing liquor to jewellery stores. The typical MBA itch means most people would not want to get back to the business right away. Personally me thinks that
a. Having your family dhandha for one, means you can avoid a lot of dirty work involved in the startup stage
b. A one year crash course from your dad will teach you much more about the business than any MBA funda
c. Beyond that you have an amazing scope to grow and expand your business - using what's been learnt, and play it really big.

Coming back to those of us who want to start out. I think the earlier someone decides to venture, the better it is - I for one decided to opt out quite late, and lost out on a lot of campus time that could be used to build more rigour, more research into the idea. It also lets your team get in sync - we started as a team of 3 - another MBA from NMIMS and a CA.

Our basic idea was human technology distribution - there are ways and learnable skills by which human performance can be optimised. While these are available at corporate levels, providing these to students would help improve their overall effectiveness. These 'soft skills' have been largely ignored by traditional schooling and parents too feel this need. School never basically taught us to handle our relationships, manage our money, cope up with peer pressure or dealing with failure. So why not DISTRUBUTE this technology - value essentially lay in the distribution, since content is freely available all around in public domain.

We started out with summer camps as a distribution format - camps market in Mumbai is small and unorganised. The camps did decently well. Though far below expectations, the sheer joy of doing something we loved (and having so much fun doing it) sustained us. Then a few things simultenously crashed. The cash cow of our business was a coaching class we had been running since 5 years in partnership. Its expansion completely bombed and we had to close 2 locactions where we expanded into (for the lack of 'holding capacity'). Other formats - institutional selling, public seminars, week long courses - all bombed. In parallel, families of my team mates really started getting onto them, and we decided it would make sense for me to continue solo. I ventured into corporate training, working with an established trainer (corporate training being very company-personal brand driven) and currently am exploring that side of the business which can serve as a future cash cow. (While this may seem like a single para what it summarises is a mix of a few months of total fight, near-depression, multiple approach modifications and nightmarish failures....)

What does it take to start out by yourself? A 'keeda' to do something (compelling enough to make you forget opportunity cost calculations), a family that really really supports you, a strong team, decent money that will let you stay in the business for atleast a few years, a rigourously researched idea, the passion to go on after failing back-to-back, some past experience in starting out things, a firm grasp on the industry, an ability to execute and do 'dogwork' (right from paying phone bills to daily sweeping of office, haggling with carpenter to trying to recover stuck money back), a support system of contacts (its really WHO you know that makes a world of difference in this one and mentors are the real saviours)....and a deferred placement option, just in case you blow it up ;)

What you learn? I can't really compare but I can say the experience has taught me the life on the street. Its a funny world where cash is king. Being able to sell (and without a system around you), and most importantly its a great exercise in getting a reality check on your abilities. A job is like the typical mom. Your mom might get angry. Not talk to you or hit out at you. But at the end of the day you have a meal on the table at dinner time. A business on the other hand is like dad. There are no mercies. Whether you're screwing it up or doing great - the bottomline shows you then and there,right in your face. And its not funny when your team has a combined opportunity cost of 5000 bux a day and you make that much in a month, without knowing how things are going. So you learn to manage yourself, your emotions, your fears and more....other challenges seem surprisingly easier in retrospect!

How does it pay? Like the typical risk-return profiles, pay-offs tend to be exponential (for the enterprises that survive) and you dont know when the tipping point will hit. Typically struggling for years in an industry can give the dumbest people great insights. And interestingly the people I met in the world of entreprenurship were nowhere as smart as junta back on campus. Which is why perhaps, they were there,and they had made it! Yeah after a while if you're not doing too well, it can get to you - and the real big kill I guess for any entrepreneur is when he takes his company public!

Unlimited work hours and you dont complain. Funnily though the discipline to work from home is something that came as a challenge initially. There are also a lot of tough calls to take - which businesses to continue to focus on, whether to supplement your earnings through part time work (there was a month where each one of us made our 40k teaching CAT!). Clarity of thought helps a lot, especially in planning ahead too.

Starting a business is no big deal really. Any one of us could start say a CAT coaching class or a recruitment service, and perhaps make more money 5 years ahead. The deal is strating something that you can take to a scale you dream of - thats where the game is ;) For example, as a speaker I keep myself well occupied doing stuff all over the place and it is decent money and fun work. But there is no BUSINESS MODEL in that - its more like an Anand Kasturi kind of self employed. Eventually as I got busy doing that, I realised that this was not what I wanted. Again there are loads of 'intraprenurial' options - kind that let you do what you want FOR a company in a similar industry, for a share of the pie of what you do. But just not the same thing.

Finally the most challenging thing I've found is taking a call of when to stay and when to quit. While on one end is the self help paradigm of 'dont-give-up' and the romantic notion of continuing the struggle, on the other end is your family waiting for your first decent pay check and a bunchful of mentors asking you to stop for now. These are tough calls - because they're painful either ways.

For now having looked at both retail and corporate training I plan to get back to a job for a while (being thrown out of my home doesnt look too good an option!) . Its cost me a year trying this out, and I've not really tried to think how it would affect my 'career' prospects. Becasue over all it has made me a much stronger person. And someone who will not regret having tried. And statistically, the average entrepreneur fails 3.8 times. With just one screw up - I guess I've a long way to go :)
Its a bug that never dies :)

Final verdict :

If you've an idea or passion you're willing to bet your money on, I see no reason why you shouldn't take the leap right after campus. You've an option to defer your placement, a support network on campus and there's no better way to learn and test yourself than to really do it. On the other hand if you've reserved your 'dhandha' plans for later in life, know that quitting your job might just get more challanging as you get used to a lifestyle, have a family and grow older.....

For PGP2005:

Fellow buggers, I know a lot of us have plans of starting out. Whenever you do, make sure you pop in a mail. Apart from free initial startup phase consultancy, I'm always game for another ride!

The new mutiny on the Blogsphere

2005-10-11T21:30:00.000+05:30

A modern mutiny

First there were full page ads from IIPM flashing a smiling Arindam Chaudhri. Then ads for his Rs. 40,000 -3 hour workshops. Which finally gave way to the more aggressive 'DARE TO THINK BEYOND THE IIMs' kind of ads. They apparently seemed to be working because IIPM expanded to 7 campuses and made even more ridiculous claims. Some ignored, while many others perhaps enrolled in Chaidhuri's fraud Indian dream.

Many such full page ads and self proclaimed economic theories, rankings and awards later, JAM did a full pager on IIPM. Frail defences failed to work. Meanwhile, Gaurav Sabnis, a regular Jammer and a vetran blogger linked his blog to the article. A frustrated IIPM sent him legal notices, which made even funnier stuff for Gaurav's blog.

Events cascaded to a really serious level when IIPM apparently threatened IBM that Gaurav (who was with IBM) was posting unpleasant stuff on his blog. If that would continue, the threat went, IIPM students would 'burn their laptops'. Sensing needless threat to his company, Sabnis resigned from IBM, standing for his own principles. The huge movement of mails and messages that rocked the blogsphere made him nothing short of a modern day Mangal Pandey - someone who sacrificed his career for his principles.

It had interesting similarities to the 1857 mutiny. On one end, like the British, was IIPM. With loads of money and mainstream media support. And a PR-marketing savvy wannabe new age guru to head it. There was brewing discontent. And then Rashmi's article was a spark. Gaurav, to me then fit in as the perfect matyr of this episode - with his career on sacrifice.

The 1857 mutiny we all know failed. The British won it. This one though might just be different. I would bet on IIPM eventually going down. And the reasons are the new rules of the game, which 'Prof. Chaudhuri' somewhere forgot.....in the analysis of this episode, some fascinating trends about our new world emerge as well.....

It all started with JAM. Its intent might seem extremely tehelka-like, but was a bit different. Tehelka has to expose plots to sell. JAM on the other hand wanted to make its readers aware. Its one of those magazines that shares a bond of trust with its 30,000 odd young readers all over the country. And so after waiting for a while for the mainstream media to take on the insti, JAM decided to do the honors. Now as a mag thats so young, and lead by an editor who is an IIM A pass out herself, JAM enjoys levels of trust that are rare to find in a media infested world. And perhaps that was the reason why it felt compelled to bring out the IIPM story in the open.

Gaurav is a regular on the cyberscene - his blog recently reached 2 lakh hits. In cyber world you're connected. As time passes, there are networks of people who link blogs to each other, forming huge webs where information can travel at unbelievable speed. While it cost AC some 5.5 crores for his print campaign of IIPM, it did not cost Gaurav a dime to post his thoughts on his blog. And while it was just the newspaper screaming at the reader in the case of the ad, in Gaurav's case, it was an entire network of people. People connecting to each other, and passing the word. Literally making each blog a mini publication, with its own readership base, and ability to influence other blogs. Sooner or later, the sheer numbers of the virus like message spreading on the web would out-grow the number of people who'd be influenced by the TOI ads.

But good 'ol Arindam was not to give up so easily - he took the battle to the blogsphere with his kiddos posting the greatness of IIPM on their blogs. Now it doesnt take much to figure that a blog that started yesterday, has one post and no links doesnt carry much crediblity. A blog is not about views alone. Its about the relationships - an entire ecosystem that cant be copied overnight. You cant have hundreds of other bloggers link to you overnight. Nor can you 'buy out' entire chains of blogs to carry your message. These desperate posts only added to the amusement of the blog community which was by now generating momentum in its support for Gaurav.

I recieved a mail in my mailbox - a forward that argued for the case of Gaurav and that his sacrifice should not be in vain. How much would it cost me, I wondered, to forward this mail to my 300 odd contacts? And even if 1 percent of them - JUST 3 do that to their contact lists, we'd literally have thousands of emails going all over the place - much much more than what AC could possibly ever control.

Just goes on to show how trust is shifting from mainstream media to democratic people-owned media. Blogs written by people like us. Just like with the printing press, the Bible reached the masses, with blogging, today, anyone can write his or her own Bible (literally) and have others read it too!

Will the message will reach the people who are really misguided enough to decide based on misleading press ads? Will the rich dads who pay fat fees for fraud instis ever surf these blogs or get dazzled by Chaudhuri's glittering psuedo smile? Will someone from the IIM gang ever stand up to the blatant misuse of the names of the intitute for cheap DARE-TO-THINK-BEYOND-IIM publicity stunts? Does this also show how desperate people are, to get a management degree - that they'd turn a blind eye and go gaga over anything that promises them 'placement'? Or does it show that wannabe gurus may have long pony tails and even longer theories but they cant outdo or outthing mass networks of connected people? Lets leave these questions for another post.....for now it seems that the time for the digital uprising has arrived!

The experience of falling ill

2005-10-11T12:19:00.000+05:30

Surviving a terrible cold and the aftermath (read: bodyache and fecer) is a real test. It is a test of faith, especially if you're one of those who believe in natural healing.

I believe that the body is the best chemical factory ever - produces just what is needed to heal the disease, and in right quantities. It does not have an agenda to sell-more-medicine like the thousands of medical reps doing rounds of doctors or prescribe-more-and-get-goodies kind of doctors. I tend to trust my body and its healing power a little more.....

The downside of course is the pain and the temptation to immediately pop a few pills and mask it....but then thats really not the whole deal....

And almost like a conspiracy, either ways - whether you pop pills or heal naturally, you tend to increasingly live that way. If you let your body heal itself, its capacity to heal improves. On the other hand if you're popping pills, thats going to become your way to survive...

And of course there is the thin line between - knowing when to take medical help.......

The other good thing I did was to do nothing - and guilt free holidaying. Its so tempting to fill the day with SOMETHING - atleast something - maybe write something, catch up on a book or do something pending - I'm at home after all.....I realise that this cultural conditioning of do-something has also gotten to me - so yesterday not only did I take pure rest and do nothing, but enjoyed it too!

Finally I was wondering why was I so sneezy....and I guess its a combo of the climate and me putting my body to too much work by eating a lot of sweets and great food ;)

A day of eating right, resting right and giving my body its time to recover....thats all it took....and I'm back! :)

Identities that limit

2005-10-09T10:53:00.000+05:30

I am always amused and curious about how our identities get shaped, and then become the limiting factor in the actions that we take.....

For me one such identity that I constantly try and battle with is the one I hold in my building....

Now Sonakiran is like one nice society - good people and all....and yet I just cant get myself to connect to them....not that I have to, but somehow what stops me is the fact that I've never really been there.....

And slowly then you start defining yourself through your actions....like if I am not talking to the people in my building I guess I'm an introvert or maybe too snobbish - but hey I am not!! I mean I could help so many people in my building in many ways....

That apart its Navratri.....and I love to dance - but I just cant get down to dirty dancing in my building.....

Its an identity thats limiting me....anyways one of the things I seek to accomplish this month is to do something that is totally in the discomfort zone - something that I am extremely uncomfortable doing....and this just might be it :)

A new beginning

2005-10-09T10:35:00.000+05:30

I restart blogging again :)

Dont know how long will this stint last....hope it does....

I hope to share my personal issues as I travel the path of increasing my self awareness, stretching my limits and generally living life.....

One reason I am blogging is becuase I wanna share - wanna share my thoughts with others....hoping to get their perspectives, or perhaps approval too....

The other is perhaps its the cool thing to do - hey do you blog? yeah of course! Dont tell me you dont have a blog!!!

Yeah I would not really like to admit it but I guess a part of the reason is the coolness factor associated with blogging - its just kool to have a blog.....

Wonder how many other things I do just becuase they are 'cool' to do....I'm a wannabe ;) Always was one :D