That feeling of being lost
Sometimes I feel like a hyper-active kid .... the world being a throuroughly boring place with nothing exciting to do.....
And then I begin to brood about life....you're thrown in here....without any instructions, any idea of what you're supposed to do........you're conditioned by the world around for years till you develop 'reasoning'......and still it doesn't help....
You construct some meaning into your life....or get busy with what everyone is doing.....or risk being labelled insane if the quest of eternal questions gets to you.....
So basically I am stuck on all sides....can't get myself 'involved' in stuff junta gets excited about.....its just not enough to keep me busy
Of course another good 'timepass' could be breaking rules - of course in a way that doesn't damage myself or others....but that leaves a very few options....experimentations in relationships or food...... ;)
But again it can get boring after a while....you know life at such times feels like this long 18 hour bus journey to Udaipur with no halt or any interesting scenery outside......
What do you do....sit and type on blogs.....hoping desperately that someone will come and rescue you to a more exciting and thrilling world....a more fulfilling one.....
I know its the mind-monkey that's taken me over.......its romping all over the place right now.....restless ..... i am posessed by it.....and I am letting it vent itself all over.......because i dont want to fight it.....i just want to let it be....thats the way it is.....
I will retreat to meditating.....the monkey will rest....the real me will surface....it needs nothing to be satisfied.....nothing at all to be happy....it is pure bliss in itself.....it is pure satisfaction... :)
And then I begin to brood about life....you're thrown in here....without any instructions, any idea of what you're supposed to do........you're conditioned by the world around for years till you develop 'reasoning'......and still it doesn't help....
You construct some meaning into your life....or get busy with what everyone is doing.....or risk being labelled insane if the quest of eternal questions gets to you.....
So basically I am stuck on all sides....can't get myself 'involved' in stuff junta gets excited about.....its just not enough to keep me busy
Of course another good 'timepass' could be breaking rules - of course in a way that doesn't damage myself or others....but that leaves a very few options....experimentations in relationships or food...... ;)
But again it can get boring after a while....you know life at such times feels like this long 18 hour bus journey to Udaipur with no halt or any interesting scenery outside......
What do you do....sit and type on blogs.....hoping desperately that someone will come and rescue you to a more exciting and thrilling world....a more fulfilling one.....
I know its the mind-monkey that's taken me over.......its romping all over the place right now.....restless ..... i am posessed by it.....and I am letting it vent itself all over.......because i dont want to fight it.....i just want to let it be....thats the way it is.....
I will retreat to meditating.....the monkey will rest....the real me will surface....it needs nothing to be satisfied.....nothing at all to be happy....it is pure bliss in itself.....it is pure satisfaction... :)
posted by The One at 2:14 PM
1 Comments:
I left my house because i just couldnt take it anymore, I drove my car around the city 'looking' for something, ANYTHING, i wasn't even hungry, but about the only thing to do when nothing is open and there's nobody around, is eat.
I kind of listened to music, I snacked, I Looked around, but i've seen everything before, and even if I hadn't it didn't impress me, why? All of a sudden did I become lost ? last year I had drive, i had motivation, but i have let myself fizzle and drift, the way I always did as a child, though, as a child I always knew what i wanted to do next, NOT what i needed to do.
So the past few month's I've had this feeling like something was missing, i am single btw, but I don't think it's a yearning for a partner, it's something more. I didnt know what what this 'feeling' or emotion was until tonight... So i get back from my 1.5 hour meaningless food journey and got in the door wrote down what i "needed" list included a belt, some new jeans and random items, I then moved to my computer and sat and thought "this is tough, I guess I feel lost", I begin tying "the feeling of being lost" and it brings me to your blog. Your blog describes how I feel 100% I am sorta suprised it explained my feelings so well, I personally couldn't have said it better myself, it's like I wrote it. This is a problem, because I was not suprised I found someone who feels the same way I do, but the way they describe it is hauntingly close to how I would decribe it, So what am I to do ? what are WE supposed to do?, i don't know about you, but I have theories of how this went wrong and how I ended up here, but now that my mind has seen the blank and meagre tone of this particular part of the world, how extreme do my actions need to be to get somewhere else ? i can only do so much, but I know within myself the sky is the limit. What do you plan on doing with yourself ? are you happy being bored, or do you realise that you were bored all along and hyperactivity was the only feeling of release you received from this boring world ? drop me a line terrorwrists(at)hotmail.com
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